6 Goals For 2019

I’ve set myself 6 goals for 2019. I’m not usually the type to go making resolutions but I do have a few aims for this year, they are all realistic goals I hope to achieve.

6 Goals For 2019

1. Read 20 Books

I found my love of reading again in 2018 and managed to work my way through several Dick Francis books and both books by Fiona Morgan. In total, I read about 10 books last year which I’m really pleased about! The Mr helped me decide a number and we set a goal of 20 books for 2019. A realistic goal in between blogging, crocheting and life. I used to read so much that this has to be at thetop of my 6 goals for 2019.

2. Continue Learning Crochet

I still consider myself a newbie when it comes to crochet. I’ve made a few scarves, blankets, cardigans and a few amigurami makes over the last 2-3 years. Having taught myself using YouTube and Pinterest for how to’s and ideas to help, my confidence has really grown, especially in 2018. I’m proud to say I actually designed my very own Purple Crocheted Summer Cardigan. A huge achievement for me! I can’t wait to learn and make more.

3. Blog More

Over 3 and a half years I’ve created over 450 blog posts! Another big achievement for me. I’ve slowly got more confident with my writing but my personal posts have been lacking a little in 2018. Lots of lows made blogging a chore at some points but I’m determined to log more on the blog. This is my space but I let the worry of a certain person reading my thoughts hold me back. I’m determined to write how and when I want in 2019 and to write a lot more!

4. Quit Smoking

I am slowly feeling calmer and coping better so I am hoping this will help me quit smoking in 2019. I intend to buy another vape soon and hopefully, that will help. Even if I just manage to cut down to start with I will be happy!

5. Craft More

We love to craft and made a fantastic cardboard box dragon in 2018 that the girls really enjoyed. I want to do more crafting like this and share our makes on the blog!

6. Be Me

I’ve slowly started finding me again this year and I want to be more me. For years I was convinced I was a waste of space. Nothing I did would ever be good enough but with the support from the Mr, the girls and a few close friends I’ve slowly learnt I am enough. I may find it difficult to start conversations, I may be awkward, forget plans or to return messages but I do care. I’m always around if someone needs me, they only need to shout. I will always do my best to try and do the right thing even if it turns out not to be. I know I’m not perfect but I’m determined to love my flaws and just be me for 2019.

Leaving A Stressful 2018 Behind

2018 was a rollercoaster year for me, losing my ESA, nearly losing myself in the appeals process and finally losing contact with my brother. I’m determined to have a better year, my head is in a better place and whilst I am immensely gutted about my brother, it’s made me see things differently.

I know now that I am not responsible for my brother and his behaviour and I refuse to let him blame me for his own mistakes any longer. The behaviour my girls have seen from him isn’t anything I’d allow from anyone else and even their attitude and behaviour has improved without contact. They were devastated he didn’t get in touch over Christmas which led to missing certain traditions with him though.

Having gone out of my way to include my brother in everything I can over the years, I have to admit it hit hard that he hasn’t apologised but I’m determined to move forward this year and stop feeling guilty and responsible for everyone else.

There has been some positives from 2018, I’ve got some good friends around like Martyn, Hannah, Checka and a few who don’t blog too. The girls have had amazing school reports and are happy which has made me feel immensely proud! We had a lovely Christmas and for the first time in a long time I feel really calm.

This year will be about me, the Mr and the girls, it will be full of growth and lessons learnt and hopefully, I will achieve my 6 goals for 2019!

Do you have any goals for 2019?

10 Things I’m Looking Forward To In 2016

10 Things I'm Looking Forward To In 2016

10 Things I’m Looking Forward To In 2016.. A whole new year to look forward to! I usually don’t have too much to look forward to as we enter each new year however so far 2016 seems to have a few things in store for us which I can not wait for. So here are My 10 things I’m looking forward to this year.

  1. Steroid injections in March I know it’s strange to look forward to a procedure like this but especially as the pain is creeping back again I’m hopeful they will help ease even a tiny bit of the pain to allow me to continue strengthening my core.
  2. The Easter holidays – Although we don’t particularly celebrate Easter as we aren’t religious in any way we do love to scoff a few choccy eggs! (Don’t we all!?) The holiday itself is a nice break for us and a chance to do things as a family. Things are looking slightly better financially so we are hoping to fit in a trip to London during the Easter hol’s to visit the science museum and anywhere else that takes the girl’s fancy. We haven’t had a chance to get out and do much with the girls & I intend on changing that this year!
  3. Eva’s 6th Birthday (10th May) – The last few years the majority of people have let Eva down on her birthday so last year we decided against a party. This year however I’ve decided we are going to do something different & take her & her friend out for the day to the zoo. If we have our own car by then it will probably be Colchester zoo otherwise we can all take the train & visit London zoo instead! ( 😀 I Love it when I have a back up plan!)
  4. The summer holidays (June-Sept) – Who doesn’t love it when the sun is shine and that alone is a perfect excuse to go out & enjoy it. I hurt so much when it’s cold it makes it hard for me to feel motivated enough to take the girls out much but in the summer I always make up for it.
  5. August – It’s part of the summer holidays but I love it for other reasons too! My brother turns 21 on the 5th, Izzy turns 2 on the 6th, and I turn 20… (6 D: ) on the 14th. It’s a big one for my brother this year and I fully intend on making sure he damn well enjoys it!
  6. Spending more time with my brother – In the last 2 weeks we have seen him 4 times, usually we see him maybe once every 2-3 months as he hides away when he is struggling but he seems to be realising now he can come to us no matter what & we will help in any way we can even if he just needs to be around people and chat nonsense 🙂
  7. Figuring out how to make pretty knitted & crocheted items – I’ve been knitting a few years now but never had the confidence to do anything other than a plain knitted blanket or scarf, this year I want to focus on my knitting a bit more & learn to crochet properly. (If you have any tutorials/patterns etc please Get in touch :D)
  8. Growing the blog – Getting back into blogging again has already helped me loads & it makes me really happy to see my followers growing and people actually reading my rambles. It makes me even happier when people like & comment too. I’m really enjoying blogging again & cant wait to see what progress I can make in 2016 & look forward to connecting with other bloggers too.
  9. Working with brands – I love product reviewing and testing all sorts of stuff from technology to food, toys to appliances, there’s very little I wouldn’t mind reviewing if I’m honest & after testing a Cake for Baker Day’s it’s reminded me just how much I loved doing this on my last blog.
  10. Learning to manage my pain – I am now under a pain management consultant who really seemed to listen on my first visit & has explained so much to me that although I still feel a little lost with it all after  we now have a plan in place to help me manage the pain and build my core strength back up. The plan so far is that I will see  my consultant every 8 weeks or so with steroid injections & physiotherapy alongside it and once I am able to manage the pain better I can work harder on building up my strength, in the meantime though I just need to keep active but not push myself so hard and actually rest when I need to.. easier said than done admittedly with 2 young children but I am at least trying to slow down!

So that’s my list (I love lists!) of 10 things I’m looking forward to this year, what are yours?

Seeing in the New Year

seeing in the new year

Happy new year to all my readers, I hope you all had an amazing night seeing in the new year and I cant wait to have a nose through some posts to see what you all got up to! I did write a Christmas – New Year post thinking I wouldn’t find the time to squeeze in a proper new year post but I’ve had a bit more free time today so decided to share with you all how we saw in the new year.

Originally we were meant to have a few people over for drinks to celebrate the new year but the Mr decided against it. Surprisingly not even an hour after the decision was made to just spend New years indoors together I got a phone call from my brother in a bad mood & skint but desperate to come see us and see new years in with us. I guess it was one of those strange things where plans fail for a reason.

Its been almost 10 years since I’ve seen the new year in with my brother as he was in care most years or hospital and I was either in a refuge or unable to get to him or help him get to me so the idea of spending new years eve with him at last made me ridiculously happy.

My brother explained his situation and between the Mr and I we had a plan & thanks to c2c running late trains especially for the new years eve celebrations it all fell into place nicely.

My brother hates asking for help, I’m very aware that I am one of the few people he dares to ask for help from but still feels awkward doing so, the Mr and I try to remind him every time we see him that he is family regardless & if he needs something he only has to shout.

I was seriously proud he finally plucked up the courage to call me, we instantly transferred some money into his account so he could jump on the train & when he got here he told us what had put him in a bad mood and we all talked it over and by the end he was laughing and smiling like crazy drinking rum with us & eventually after a bit of persuading he let us buy a takeaway for us all.

As midnight got closer we put the BBC countdown on opened our curtains to watch the fireworks out the window. The advantage of living 11 floors up and looking out towards London is that we can see fireworks for miles on a clear night. My brother & I were really impressed that the fireworks display in London we were watching on the TV we could see out from the window here in Thurrock!!

We saw the new year in together again at last & it honestly made my night spending it with the two guys I love the most, my Mr & my brother.

After spending Christmas eve with my brother too I think he has now realised we mean everything we say, he is always welcome here, if he needs anything or wants to see us he only has to say and we will arrange something, we may have missed a lot of years out but he is and always will be my baby brother and no matter what I will always be there for him & I think he is gradually seeing that.

Seeing in the New Year this way has left me feeling very positive for 2016 knowing my brother will come to us when he needs to & he is slowly getting used to being part of a family again. Family life itself is going much better recently too now that I have signed off and not stressing myself out constantly trying to find a job when I’m struggling to walk to my corner shop. Now I have a pain management consultant things are looking up slightly with regards to my health, someone is listening at last and willing to try and help me instead of fobbing me off with tablets that give off awful side effects.

The blog, thanks to all you lovely readers has got off to a much better start than I had expected & I’m really looking forward to putting a lot more time & effort into the blog. With my last blog I tried to stick to only one or two topics which of course made it much harder to come up with content, this time I’m just doing what I want when I want & it seems to be going much better although admittedly I do need to plan and organize my time better to get where I want to be this time next year. I’ve been chatting to a few lovely bloggers over the last month or so too which has been lovely where I struggle to socialize in person & I’m hoping I can get the courage up to say hi to a few more bloggers too.

2015 wasn’t an overly great or an overly awful year for us but I’m hoping 2016 will be much better & hopefully we can even squeeze in a family holiday somewhere as our only family holiday was almost 5 years ago whilst Eva was still small.

I’m hoping to learn more about knitting & crocheting this year too as I find it so Calming and helpful with my Anxiety and Depression.

How did you celebrate the new year? What are your hopes/goals for 2016? Have a similar post you would like to share with me? Drop me a comment or Get in touch!

 

 

Christmas – New Year

I thought a Christmas-New year catch up was needed. Over the last week or so I’ve struggled to stay focused enough to write a full post with all the excitement that’s been going on. At last I have managed to find some time to sit down and write.

Christmas

December is usually an extremely hectic month and I struggle massively with my anxiety and depression but this year has been a lot easier for several reasons.

One being I had my pain management appointment on december 14th and my consultant actually listened and has booked me in for steroid injections, physiotherapy again but much slower and mentioned looking into a spinal cord stimulator.

Relief

It’s honestly a HUGE relief, knowing someone is finally taking me seriously. I may have a chance of getting on top of this pain. Admittedly I am struggling with slowing down more but luckily I’ve had a fairly good few weeks and been able to cope and do a bit more than usual.

Christmas

The Christmas period itself has been so much calmer than normal. It has been lovely, I’ve managed to spend time having fun with the girls a bit more. We even managed to destroy a gingerbread house!

A Party

We also attended a minnie mouse themed birthday party for my friends 1 year old. It was lovely although my social anxiety apparently showed and it was rather loudly pointed out that I was sitting alone being ‘unsociable’. Still I managed to talk more than normal considering I barely knew anyone and it was just myself and the girls!

We totally kept the minnie ears!

Surprise Bedroom Makeover

The Mr & I planned a surprise bedroom make over on christmas eve. The Mr set it all up with the help of a friend whilst I took the girls out for a day of shopping, spending their christmas money & visiting father christmas with my brother.

Spending christmas eve with my brother was a huge highlight for me. Unfortunately we havent spent as many christmas’ with each other as we should have.

Christmas Photo

This photo is one I’ll treasure, our present to my brother was this photo in a christmas tree snow globe. The globe was Eva’s idea as his flat is too small for a christmas tree. His cat would destroy a tree, so she thought it could be his christmas tree which reminds him of all of us and our fun day out.

Christmas Day

Christmas day itself was a nice quiet family day just the 6 of us.. Cat’s included.. Because the girls had new beds the cats needed one too along with some new toys!

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Boxing day we had a flat full of people where a lot of Rum & Jaeger was drunk. I rarely drink so it was quite nice having a chance to let my hair down a bit surrounded by people I’m comfortable with.

Coping Better

Boxing day is usually a day where depression sets in badly. Thankfully with friends around, being kept busy I didn’t have too much time to dwell on the past.

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I still had the same flashbacks & memories of my miscarriage 7 years ago & going past the hospital in the car made me feel ill.  I held my keepsakes tight and managed to calm myself and go back to enjoying our christmas celebrations. We picked up my brother for an evening of drinking and celebrating how far we have both come.

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Rum may have helped a little but I honestly think looking over the last few weeks that having the people around us that we have has helped make things run a bit smoother making christmas much more enjoyable.

Family & Friends

Spending time with everyone, laughing joking having fun has been amazing. The girls were spoilt and had a magical christmas, my ears are still ringing from Eva’s squealing! It’s definately been our best christmas yet and we plan to have a few people over again for new years eve to celebrate too. I’ve had a lot of fun Taking silly selfies with the girls too, you may have seen some on twitter or instagram 🙂

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We are stocked up on crafts & things to do thanks to father christmas! Even when I’m not able to do much, the girls can still come and sit on the sofa with me. We can do something to keep them busy which I’m hoping make’s me feel a bit better about not being able to do more. I miss things like giving them piggy back rides & racing Eva to the top of the spiderman climbing frame and spending hours at the park and struggle because I am in too much pain.

Feeling Positive

Overall things have been good lately and seem to be looking up. The blog has really kicked off quite quickly! I am still over the moon I had my first PR opportunity thanks to BakerDays on the new blog so soon. I’ve already got talking to a few lovely bloggers & look forward to meeting more.

Although I’ve been busy & haven’t blogged much lately I have enjoyed getting back into blogging this year. I’m looking forward to continuing in 2016 and connecting with other bloggers too. Especially as it really cheers me up getting a new comments or like or follow. I dont go out much and I’m stupidly shy for such a crazy person, so it’s nice to socialise a little. F

eel free to pop by and say Hi on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, you can find my handles on this page or feel free to leave a comment here on the blog 🙂 I follow back too 😉

So here’s to the new year, I look forward to sharing it with you all!