Category: Physical and Mental Health

Physical and Mental health posts. A spoonie blogging her way through Scoliosis, Chronic pain, Anxiety, Panic Disorder & Depression.

Discharged From The Pain Clinic

Physical and Mental Health / 7 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

I was discharged from the pain clinic today. After explaining how my pain has eased a little on Gabapentin, I am still struggling to cope with the pain. Which is also causing me to feel horribly anxious constantly.

The Dr prescribed Tramadol instead of Codipar and decided that there’s not much more the Pain Clinic can do for me after he went through the options we had tried. Physiotherapy, Steroid injections, Ten’s machine and the Gabapentin. He decided instead I should have Pain management sessions under the psychology department.

Pain clinic
These sessions are supposed to help teach me about pain, how to pace myself (we all know that’s a huge issue for me!) and cope better all round. These will be group sessions which I am anxious about.. especially as I mostly see elderly people at the pain clinic. They love to point me out and stare.. I hope there’s a few younger people there!

I’m hoping the wait isn’t too long for pain management and CBT. Fingers crossed Tramadol helps improve things as I haven’t been coping well recently. I can’t stop worrying I haven’t done enough or I have too much to do. I constantly feel stressed and struggling to interact even more than normal. Even posting has been an issue, I write then delete. Or I write and it just sits there because I feel my posts are pointless.

I am determined not to let this beat me. Going to sessions around everything else is going to be stressful but hopefully worth it in the long run. I have some awesome people who listen to my grumbling and give me encouragement too.

Have you tried pain management courses? Or CBT? I’d love to know how other’s have got on.

My Medication Review

Physical and Mental Health / 7 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

My medication review was this morning. Knowing I have pain clinic next week I decided I really needed to focus more in my mental health. My anxiety has been through the roof lately and I’ve struggled to brain.. a lot!

I was completely honest about how I’ve been feeling and I was basically given 2 options.

1. Be referred to a psychiatrist so I can be put in stronger medication as I’m already on such a low dose. (Something I’d prefer to avoid if possible)

2. Refer myself to the therapy centre above the surgery.

I decided to go upstairs and refer myself for therapy. I recieved a call later in the afternoon going over how I feel, my symptoms and my mental health history. Once I had finished the questionnaire the lady suggested referring me for CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).

I panicked but decided I need to do something because I hate struggling so much. I hate feeling like I can’t do anything right and I’m useless. I hate not being able to go out without panicking. I hate being invited somewhere and feeling like its just out of politeness. I want to enjoy things & believe in myself a little bit more. I know it may not help fully but if it can calm me down even slightly I might not be such an anti-social stresshead!

I spoke to my brother about it this evening and he told me he went through a CBT course and mentioned it made him feel patronised at first but after a few sessions it did help change his way of thinking. I’m hoping it can help me too and I’m also glad for the heads up as I think I might have struggled to continue if the first few sessions don’t seem to help.

I now have to wait for a call when an appointment is free to start the CBT. I’ve no idea how long that will be but I’m hoping it’s not too long.

As I said I have pain clinic on Tuesday too. Whilst the Gabapentin has helped massively I am still struggling. I’m still feeling those electric bolts through my legs, pain in my hips & back. Now it’s getting much colder my ribs hurt too so I need to bring all of this up and see if they can suggest anything that may help.

I’m quite exhausted after today but I’m glad in between all of it I still managed to join the Mr & Izzy at the pub. Our favourite pub is always quiet & we know the regulars. Sometimes I do mire than smile politely and say hi too. Today wasn’t one of those days but it was nice to be acknowledged and left alone to enjoy being outside of these walls.

I now want to hide away for a few days though. It’s been a very hectic, peopley, emotional day with too many phone calls & talking to ‘important people’. I’ve gone over a lot of my past in a 20 minute phone call which has left my head hurting a bit aswell as admitting my crazy is getting too crazy.

I decided to write and publish this before I decide it isn’t worth it as I usually do but now I’m off to curl up and feel sorry for myself because I hurt all over and feel so cold!

Have you tried CBT? Did it help at all? I’m honestly quite nervous about it all and would love some feedback!

I Just Can’t Brain Some Days

Physical and Mental Health / 7 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple
I can't brain today

Do you ever have those ‘I can’t brain today’ days? I do quite regularly and it can be very stressful.

My mind wanders.. I’ve no idea where it wander’s to at times but I just can’t focus and feel useless. I find myself just staring blankly at things. Sometimes the smallest of things causes it, other times I just wake up like it.

I struggle to word, I struggle to write, I struggle to adult, I just can’t brain at all. I’m aware of what’s going on around me but struggle to interact. I’ll be scrolling through twitter but have absolutely no idea what to say or if it’s ‘ok’ to comment on something.

It’s frustrating and I get annoyed with myself but I just have to let it pass and try to ride it out. My chest hurts and I have awful dizzy spells. I struggle to interact with people and probably come across a bit moody at times because of it. Some days I just can’t brain and figure out what to say or do. I stress about having to do anything.

The last month or so has been full of ups and downs for me, as I’m sure it has for many others so I’ve been struggling to brain a little more than normal. Forgetting to go to my medication review and running out of tablets for a day or 2 knocked me a bit but luckily I braved a phone call to my GP surgery. I was quite distressed on the phone to my GP surgery where I had missed an appointment but the receptionist could obviously tell. An emergency prescription was arranged to be collected from the chemist around 11am which the Mr got for me. I was also booked in for my medication review which is tomorrow!

Even though I managed the call and everything turned out ok, my chest still hurt when I put the phone down. I still had to try and breathe slowly to try and keep myself calm and stop everything going fuzzy. I hate feeling like this and not being able to stop it.

I’m jumping at everything, something falling, loud noises, something moving near me unexpectedly. I feel stressed at the slightest of things, a mess, something I’ve forgotten, feeling lazy when I’m in so much pain I neglect the few things I need to get done around the flat. The worst part is knowing it is all so irrational. I get so frustrated with myself for it which just makes things even worse and I just can’t brain some days!

Do you struggle to brain some days too? How to you manage it?

 

I can't brain today

 

 

 

Continuing Gabapentin

Physical and Mental Health / 7 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

Some of you have been following my posts about my Gabapentin trial. I was given enough tablets to cover 6 weeks building up from 1 300mg tablet a day to 6 a day (2 tablets 3 times a day). 

I’ve now finished my trial and had to book a Dr’s appointment to discuss how it had gone and wether or not I should continue. So I thought about the benefits I’ve had since starting them and thought I’d share them with you.

  1. It takes the edge off the pain, it hasn’t stopped it but it gives me enough relief that I can ignore the pain better and do a little more.
  2. Sleep! I do have the odd rough night still and wake a few times but it’s not as often as before so I’m less tired during the day too.
  3. I can get out of bed in under 5 minutes now instead of 20 minutes with a LOT of moaning and I get to drink my morning tea whilst it’s hot haha!
  4. A short walk to down doesn’t leave me crying. (Although I tend to over do it at times which I am still trying to work on..) So I’ve been getting out more.
  5. I’m less snappy! Pain makes me quite angry and emotional/upset and it makes everything seem 100x worse & I stress constantly! You could literally ask me where something is and I’ll have a full blown meltdown but it’s happening a lot less now!
  6. My appetite has come back. I know the tablets are known to cause weight gain but so far so good and I’m eating two meals a day and actually enjoying it plus a few snacks in the evening!
  7. I don’t feel like screaming constantly. The pain still gets to me but not to the point I want to scream and cry like a toddler.

So far I’ve not had many side effects apart from falling asleep early on the sofa when I’ve had a busy day which I’m willing to deal with if it means I can do things in the first place. I’ve been able to a few things I’ve not been able to like joining the Mr or going into town which is only a 10 minute walk away.

I still struggle to carry things so I am going to get a shopping trolley so I don’t always have to take Izzy with me to get more than a few light bits.

After spending so long determined not to be on medication daily having to stick to timings etc and working out I’d be on over 400 tablets every 28 days was a bit of a struggle to accept but being able to do a little more has made me realise following a schedule isn’t so bad!

My anxiety about going out has eased a little now I know I can go into town and make it home without getting so stressed and upset from the pain.

So far I am happy with the results and decided to continue taking Gabapentin especially after spending a day and half off of them and hurting so much all over. I’m definitely benefiting from them which is something nothing else I have tried has managed to do.

Gabapentin - Shake your meds
Have you continued Gabapentin after a trial? Did it help?

Week 5 on Gabapentin

Physical and Mental Health / 8 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

Week 5 - Gabapentin

Yesterday was the start of week 5 & I started taking 600mg in the morning along with 300mg at midday and 600mg at night. It definitely helps me move a little easier although I still can’t seem to do as much as I feel able to at times.

I’m still feeling awful after 2 lots of 10 minute walks, 1 involving a walk around Aldi too. I thought I’d be fine, I felt great in the morning! But by midday the pain was getting too much again and by bedtime I couldn’t sleep from the pain.

On days I don’t go out & I just clean it’s not too bad and much better than before Gabapentin so I know it definitely helps & most nights I am sleeping well as long as I haven’t overdone it during the day.

I’m going to attempt booking a Dr’s appointment this week to get Gabapentin added onto my prescription since it has given me more relief than anything else I’m on.

Has Gabapentin helped you? Are you trying it too or have you been on it a while? 

#WorldMentalHealthDay

Awareness Campaigns / 8 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

#WorldMentalHealthDay

 

Today is of course #WorldMentalHealthDay. I wanted to join in and share a few things with you all to help raise awareness and help those struggling to see that they are not alone, such a huge percentage of the population struggle & feel so, so alone & that really needs to change. We need to reach out to one another & share our stories!

Mental Health is something I heard a lot about as a child as a lot of the adults I grew up knowing had depression, anxiety, bipolar & schizophrenia, so it is something I’ve learnt a fair bit about different issues over the years. I was going to look into statistics and figures but honestly I don’t feel there is any need, so many of us don’t say a word which leads me to believe the statistic’s are unrealistic.

I myself struggle with depression & anxiety and for quite some time I struggled massively with ED’s which I’ve slowly discovered has contributed to my Chronic pain which of course has caused me to feel quite depressed, I also struggle with how my Scoliosis makes my ribs stick out but sharing my stories in my blog has meant I’ve had a lot of support and encouragement from other people and that has made such a difference!

I talk openly on my blog about all these things, NOT for sympathy but to connect with other’s who feel the same, it can be very lonely and stressful when you feel worthless & too scared to ask for a little help and I truly hope that the blogging community sharing their stories helps anyone struggling.

My brother has Aspergers & PTSD amongst other things & yes he can be difficult to be around at times but that ISN’T his fault. He had very little support growing up and felt very alone, being pushed from one foster home or care home to another as a child and being sectioned as a teen and then suddenly being all alone in a tiny bedsit has been very stressful and hard for him.

He spiralled out of control turning to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain, he was EXTREMELY difficult to be around during that time BUT the Mr and I made it our mission to help him turn himself round. And you know what? With a bit of persistence, love and a little bit of a kick up the bum he has become a totally different person over the past year.

Now he is dealing with his issues and facing them in counselling he is coping much better. Knowing he IS part of our family & our home is his home has helped him relax and realise he is loved and cared for. He still has bad days especially because of his past but now instead of trying to numb the pain & destroy himself he picks up the phone and calls me or jumps on a train and distracts himself or talks his problems through and bit by bit he has turned his life round completely.

Talking about our problems can help us more than most things especially if we feel someone is actually listening, we know people may not fully understand but it’s nice to be heard and it makes us feel less alone.

What’s your story? What are you struggling with? What do you do to cope?

Image result for you are cared for

If you need to talk please do, my DM, email etc is always open to ANYONE that needs to talk, day or night! If you prefer there are plenty of charities to help, whether its over the phone, by email or on-line chat, whatever method you prefer there is ALWAYS someone waiting to help you and talk through your problems, PLEASE DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE!

If you do need to talk to someone here is a small list of contacts:

The Samaritans are a well known organisation who are always there for a chat whether your just having a low day or you feel thing’s are much worse, get in touch!

Whatever you’re going through, call us free any time, from any phone on 116 123.

We’re here round the clock, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If you need a response immediately, it’s best to call us on the phone. This number is FREE to call. You don’t have to be suicidal to call us.

Another brilliant organisation is Togetheruk.org although I have no personal experience myself they offer a range of services around the country .

Together is a national   charity working alongside people with mental health issues on their journey towards independent and fulfilling lives.

MIND is an amazing organisation that offers counselling & they have helped both my and my brother. My brother still currently has counselling with them and I can honestly say that has played a HUGE part in his recovery. They offer a range of services and support too.

Contact us

Our lines are open 9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday (except for bank holidays).

0300 123 3393

info@mind.org.uk
Text: 86463

Even if you find ways to cope and manage and feel you have recovered well there may still be days you need a little chat to help you keep on top, please do ask for help if you feel thing’s are slipping again.

If you know someone struggling, make them a cuppa & share some cake & just be there to listen when you know they are feeling low. Sometimes just being there can mean so much, we don’t need to be told what to do or to just cope we just need a little love & understanding to help us through the bad days so we can fully enjoy the good days.

Week 3 of my 6 Week Gabapentin Trial

Physical and Mental Health / 8 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

At my last pain management appointment I was asked to start a gabapentin trial over 6 weeks starting with 1 x 300mg a day & increasing by one 300mg tablet every Tuesday starting with 10pm then 10pm & 8am and now I am taking them at 2pm as well.

I know some of you are interested in how it’s going so I thought I’d keep you all updated.

Feeling good

So far I have felt some relief & I am now up to 3 tablets a day (900mg). It’s been a huge relief in the morning taking my 10pm tablet and I can get out of bed a little easier. In fact most morning’s I feel brilliant! Although the first few days I did feel a little spacey!

My mood has definitely improved & I don’t feel quite so depressed & anxious constantly. It’s been quite nice throughout the Gabapentin trial so far.

And a ton of other aches and pains 😂😂

Wearing off

By the evenings though it doesn’t seem to give me much relief compared to the morning. The 2pm tablet I started this Tuesday doesn’t seem to have made much difference but then I have also been quite busy this week & may have overdone it.. A little bit.. Or a lot.. 😂 So I have been very moody & snappy the last 2 days!

Lack of sleep obviously hasn’t helped much either this week and was up at very early hours yesterday! I’m still feeling pretty rough but not quite as miserable and snappy.

I’m looking at doing things like buying a shopping trolley on wheels (in purple of course!). That way I can go shopping alone without struggling so much and hurting myself more.

I guess I am slowly accepting this is only ever going to get worse and I need to start finding ways to do what I want to & have some freedom without trying to struggle with doing things the usual way. 

If your a spoonie what things make your life with chronic pain a little easier?

Struggling To Love My Body

Physical and Mental Health / 8 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

I’m struggling to love my body. I have struggled massively with my body image over the years & been extremely unkind to it in the past but I am now slowly learning to love my body a little more.

I fell into bad habits & neglected my body & barely ate for years thinking I had to be smaller & slimmer, the Mr found ways to help me eat again and now I can even eat in public when I’m feeling good. Weight and size is now the least of my problems..

Finding out I have peripheral neuropathy has made sense of a lot of things for me recently. Although I still get frustrated with certain things, I know now what’s causing it so I don’t feel quite as ridiculous. BUT there’s one thing that has been increasingly bugging me.

 My scoliosis.Scoliosis

Most people wouldn’t notice my Scoliosis (curvature of the spine) and it was completely missed for years. I don’t know how my back looks as it’s something I tend to avoid but my left rib cage sticks out.. A fair bit. My spine curves & twists to the left. Add in my tilted pelvis and well and I do look odd..especially if you look closely.

 

I always thought a jelly belly, c-section scar & stretch marks would bother me but these days not so much, I’ve learnt to accept that the Jelly belly & stretch marks are a part of me & my scar is so faded I barely notice it these days and see all these things are a reminder I carried my babies and brought them into this world.

I struggle with my rib cage sticking out though.. It always seems so noticeable in a tight top so I’ve started wearing looser tops again. I feel like I look very wonky. Wearing a bra HURTS after a little while as it digs in to my sticky out rib. It feels like it’s slowly getting worse so I guess it’s something I need to learn to accept. Hopefully I can just as I have accepted my jelly belly, scar and stretch marks.

Do you have scoliosis?

Does anyone else have Scoliosis and struggle with their curves? I know compared to many my curves aren’t that bad but it still bothers me at times, especially when getting dressed to go out. Nothing looks right, necklines look wonky.. It’s frustrating at times.

I’ve struggled majorly this past year to keep any weight on, I keep bouncing back down to 6 1/2 stone when I should be at least 7-8 stone and this makes my rib cage stick out and hurt even more. I’m trying my best to gain (I’m sure anyone that follows me on Instagram will know I munch a lot haha) but it has been tough and at best I’ve managed to get to 7 stone 4 and I’m currently 7 stone exactly.

I’m hoping perhaps with a little more weight the curve wont be quite as obvious and painful.. Anyone know if this would actually help? There is very little info out there on Scoliosis (anything I have found is American) and Dr’s don’t seem to know as much about it in the UK.

Do you struggle with your body image? What bug’s you the most?

Pain Management – Trying Something New

Physical and Mental Health / 8 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

Pain Management

I had pain management today and was quite anxious about going. It didn’t help that I had to go to the Dr’s first where I didn’t get seen until half an hour after my appointment time but the main reason was that I needed to bring up the fact that whilst my First steroid injections for a little while things had gone down hill since.

After explaining I’ve been getting electric shock type pains all over, the burning and tingling I’ve had, how everywhere seems to constantly ache especially when I’m cold, my memory has gotten worse and I’m struggling to keep my balance amongst other things The Dr decided the injections weren’t going to be helpful as I had 3 injections at once not just one so it should have helped for a lot longer and instead, I was offered a trial of Gabapentin.

Gabapentin trial

I had to think about it quickly.. I don’t want to rely on yet more tablets but I’m struggling so much to cope with the pain. Everyone must be as bored as I am with all my complaining. With the cold weather setting in I’m honestly scared to think I could feel the same as last winter. I decided to give it a go.

Pain management - Gabapentin

I’ve not really read much about Gabapentin up until now and I still don’t know a lot about it but it sound’s like it’s worth a go so tonight I’ll be taking my first dose of 300mg and gradually up the dose over the next 6 weeks & hopefully it will help.

Have you tried Gabapentin for Chronic pain? Did you find it helped much? What dosage are you on or are you trialling it yourself? I’d love to hear from others too and find out how they get on!

Staying On Top

Physical and Mental Health / 8 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

I’ve shared quite a bit on this blog over the last year and I have to say it’s definitely helped, even when I went through a quiet patch the blog was still here being read and liked & commented on and I’ve started to get back into the swing of things again.

Staying on top

I’ve met some lovely bloggers & I’ve noticed myself interacting more and over the last few weeks that has given me a bit of a boost to be honest. Now I’m full of idea’s again and being a lot more organized jotting down notes and dates so I don’t keep forgetting and feeling empty and useless.

On top of all that reading what other’s have gone through or are going through has really been a big motivation for me on bad day’s, if they can carry on & find ways around their challenges I can too!

Sometimes it makes it easier to push through and get things done and sometimes it reminds you to take that much needed break. All in all I think it’s helped me restore some kind of balance and I feel like I’m staying on top of everything again not just the blog.

During my quiet patch I spent a lot of time thinking I was completely useless. My brother especially has helped me see that although I am limited by what I can do, it doesn’t make me lazy, he reminded me of our ‘mother’ growing up and how much more I do for my girls in comparison.

I spend a lot of time pointing out what I can’t do and all the things going wrong but I’m trying to focus on what I can do and what’s going well instead. Instead of feeling awful for taking a break I use that time to blog or chat or crochet so I’m still doing something rather than feeling sorry for myself.

I know there are still going to be days where it is all too much but hopefully with a bit more positivity those days will become fewer.

I’ve started writing notes in notebooks, on post it’s and on our little whiteboard on the fridge to help me remember things & it is definitely helping me be a bit more organized. Perhaps if I finally start using my planner and calander a little better too I’ll spend less time frustrated & forgetting things & getting more done aswell as actually resting when I need to.

Hopefully I can stay on top of things and keep positive for a while! How do you stay on top? What help’s you stay positive?