Happier Dayz as the Racoon City UK Trader

I’ve been so quiet here lately and for once it’s not because I’m hiding in a bout of depression! We’ve been watching The Running Manz on YouTube for a few years now, he plays a game called Dayz, a zombie survival game. I’m not really a gamer but Paul is so funny and there is just so much to the game it got me and the Mr interested!

The girls got an Xbox for Christmas but barely used it so I figured I’d try out Dayz, I sucked and kept getting killed by zombie but I was hooked and loved hunting for what I needed around the map. When you die you respawn with a glow stick, bandage and piece of fruit and you have to find everything from food, clothes, weapons, building materials etc.

I bought it for the Mr on pc too hoping to play together but then we realised it isn’t cross platform so we both just kept trying out official servers and whilst we had fun we didn’t really get too far with any of our characters, lasting maybe a day or so at a time.

During school runs the Mr mentioned to Eva’s friends parents we had been trying out Dayz and they played too on Xbox so I joined them and they discovered an awesome server called Racoon City UK. We instantly got down to business building a base, raided someone else’s who then raided us and over time I found myself spending most of my days killing zombies, looting and setting myself challenges like gathering logs and planks to build bigger bases, eventually we had to start trading to empty out a bit! Naturally I spent a lot of time winding up my friend too when he was annoying, like the time I moved the crates and dropped them everywhere knowing he likes them neat and tidy haha!

Community Trader

With the latest update to Dayz the server needed to wipe clean, all bases gone, everyone starts fresh at the coast so our awesome admin decided to create a safe zone so people could get themselves settled in, especially if new to the game, he even added houses for people to have some storage that can’t be raided. He created a friendly little community, outside of the safe zone is kill on sight anywhere though so you don’t lose that pvp feel and having to watch your back. It’s a fun server with very few rules, just don’t be a dick!

In the safe zone I now have a warehouse for my trading with items that spawn in which we sell for nails, people can easily find in the trucks loaded with building items all around the map, giving people a good start without making things so easy they get bored. It’s such a great little server all round to be honest and always something random happening!

The full Xbox community server name is below if you would like to join me. Feel free to come say hi, I’m always wearing a purple bandana and now a green arm band and occasionally a pumpkin head whilst dancing around stupidly! 😁

!!!!RacoonCityUK+FullTrucks+SafeZone+HighLoot+FreeBuild //discord.gg/sW7WXFFqZ5

Happier Dayz

It’s crazy how much I have gotten into this game, it just had so much going for it and it’s actually helped me so much with my health and mental health too. I’m no longer spending my days stressed, worrying and over thinking because I’m busy helping people or hunting or building or even planting pumpkins and doing a rain dance. I’m not pushing myself physically, I can stay sat in one place longer now and I hurt less for it, I’m sleeping a little better because of it all too.

This week I’d usually be a pacing stressed mess, Eva’s presents haven’t all arrived in time, people are unsure if they can visit on the day or come for the meal we have planned but I realise I can’t solve it all and just taking it as it comes, I’ve apologised and explained everything to Eva and she seems to be taking it well, she does at least have some new art supplies and a tonne of vbucks for fortnite which should last her at least 10 seconds haha! My anxiety seems to have calmed a little, definitely not completely but enough to no longer feel I need to chase help. I’m accepting my limits and enjoying Dayz when I reach them and realising that having something for me is a good thing, plus I get to wear purple! 😁💜

Do you have a game that you really enjoy and makes you feel happier? Have you ever played Dayz before?

The Big Benefits Of Giving Gifts

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We all like receiving gifts, but giving can be just as enjoyable. When you give a gift, or you contribute to a charitable cause, it increases the feel-good hormones in your brain and helps you to think outside of yourself. These are just some of the benefits of giving; there are lots more that you can find out about in the article below. Read on and remember to dig deep.    

It Makes us Happier 

If you were given the choice to spend your money on yourself or spend the same money on someone else, which would you choose? Chances are you would choose to spend the money on yourself; after all, you worked for the money and earned it, you deserve to reap the rewards. 

But not so fast, what if you found out that spending the money on someone else was going to make you happier, so in a way you are using your money to improve your wellbeing, would you still buy that new item of clothing instead of giving to charity? Studies show this is the case. 

It Benefits our Mental Health 

Mental health issues come in different shapes and forms, but chances are most people have felt anxious or depressed at some point in their lives; we have some idea of how it feels to be so preoccupied with your life and your thoughts that nothing else matters. But giving can help. 

Giving is one of the ways you can break the cycle of self-obsession and introspection, two characteristics that are common in people with mental health conditions. Making an effort to step out of your zone of self and think about someone else creates a positive change in mood. 

It Creates Connections 

There are different ways to give and receive, you can give money to help a good cause, such as Sadaqah | Islamic Help, or you can volunteer your time or resources to aid the community. Whatever way you decide to help, you will create connections with your culture of giving. 

Since ancient times, human beings have cooperated to form communities and economies; this is one of the features of the species that makes us so successful; we are reliant on other people as much as we are on ourselves. Today, giving is one way to carry on this ancient tradition. 

It Builds up Gratitude 

One way to lift your spirits when you’re feeling down is to think about what you are grateful for; everyone is grateful for something, even if it’s only a cup of tea. When you start to cultivate gratitude, you start to realize how reliant you are on others and how they rely on you as well. 

Gratitude is an intensely positive feeling that creates more joy and happiness in your life and the lives of the people around you. It’s a good practice to give something to someone every day and to feel a sense of gratitude that you are in a position to help. Think of some things you can give.  

Giving is Contagious 

Human beings like to imitate each other for entertaini=ment and communication, so when someone starts to give more freely and increase their happiness and wellbeing levels, the situation is contagious. Before you know it, your friends, family, and neighbors will give too. 

If you work in a cutthroat industry like investment banking or venture capitalism, it’s easy to start thinking about the world in a narrow way; there are haves and have nots. In reality, the world is based on cooperation and kindness, people make efforts to protect others in difficulty. 

It Improves Physical Health 

Studies show that giving is good for your mental health, but it’s also good for your physical health. As mentioned, giving allows you to think outside of yourself about the situation of other people; this reduces the amount of stress you have in your own life leading to physical benefits.

Stress is one of the leading causes of physical issues such as diabetes, heart disease, obesity, asthma, and more; not only that, stress makes you uncomfortable and unproductive. If you have issues with stress, you need to resolve them as a priority; giving is a useful way to begin.  

It Helps Other People

It might seem like an obvious point, but it’s worth reiterating as an end-note, the purpose of giving is to help other people, and it works. Without the charitable contributions and humanitarian efforts of people, there would be far more suffering and crises on the planet. With that in mind, remember to dig deep the next time you are asked for a charitable contribution.  

For Better Mental Health, Try To Improve Your Habits

We all have habits, some of which are good and some of which are less so. The fact is that these kinds of habits can very often disrupt one’s mental health, whereas there are also a range of habits that are particularly beneficial for one’s mental health. In this post, we are going to take a look at some of the ways in which you might want to improve your habits – as doing so is going to help you to have much better mental health on the whole. You might be amazed at how well this works.

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More Mindfulness

One of the most important habits that you should try to develop for better mental health is mindfulness. This word is used and abused in our culture, but at its core it’s a relatively simple – if difficult to execute – activity. It simply refers to the ability to pay attention to your mind’s objects, the thoughts and feelings and so on which go through your mind all the time. The more aware of these things you are, the easier it is to cope and manage your mind, so this is a hugely important thing to be aware of. Try to meditate for twenty minutes a day and see if it helps.

Fewer Drugs

On the other side, there are also substances which you should try to avoid having in your bodily system, as they are generally going to disrupt or interrupt your mental health in some way or another. If you have a problem with a drug in particular, then you might want to think about getting some professional help from the likes of Sunshine Behavioral Health. Overcoming an addiction not only means that you are going to have a lot more chance of good mental health, but you’ll also be proving to yourself that you can take the necessary steps for better self-care.

Controlling Sugar

One of the most common habits – and addictions – that most of us have in some form or another is sugar consumption. It’s in everything, and most of us are given it very young, so this is hardly surprising. If you try to control your sugar intake a little more effectively, you might find that you are going to have some huge benefits from that – including the ability to regulate your emotions better, which is in itself one of the most important mental health traits there are. Be sure to control your sugar intake as best as you can.

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Social Media

If you spend a lot of time on social media, this too is something that you might want to think about curtailing. It’s incredible how much even a small amount of usage can disturb your mental peace, and you might not even notice it happening because it happens so slowly and subtly. Try to go a month without social media and see what happens. You might find, like most people, that you are going to have a much better mental health in general after you do this.

5 Easy Ways To Boost Your Confidence

Confidence is an elusive trait for many people worldwide, and it isn’t uncommon for even the most self-assured people to struggle with low confidence and self-esteem occasionally. According to a Sky News survey, one-third of young people in the UK lack confidence due to various reasons ranging from social media influences to perceptions of physical attractiveness. However, anyone can boost their confidence with a few simple tricks to excel in the most challenging situations. Here are some of the easiest things you can do to receive an instant confidence boost.

1. Crack a smile

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Flashing your pearly whites is reportedly a great and simple way to improve your self-confidence. Smiling can make you appear more calm, composed, and confident in yourself and your abilities. Studies show that smiles also release endorphins, so they positively impact your emotional health by making you happier. Furthermore, smiling can also banish feelings of stress to make you less anxious and worried in stressful situations. Therefore, practice smiling more as an easy way to restore your confidence when you need it the most. You can work on your smiles by giving yourself smile cues that remind you to smile regularly during the day. For instance, you can choose a sound, action, or visual reminder like seeing someone laughing as your smile cue. Then, challenge yourself to smile every time you encounter these cues till it becomes a habit.

2. Improve your appearance

Appearance is undoubtedly a major contributing factor to self-confidence since many people judge you based on how you look. Unfortunately, many people are dissatisfied with their appearance, with a Censuswide survey revealing that 80% of people aged 35-54 lack confidence in their appearance. Thankfully, you can readily change how you look to give yourself an easy confidence boost. For starters, groom yourself by taking regular showers, shaving regularly, styling your hair, trimming your nails, among others. 

Also, invest in an exquisite fragrance since studies show that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a fragrance than their counterparts who go fragrance-free. Another study also suggests that fragrance can inspire confidence in men, and you can feel even more self-assured the more you like the scent. Furthermore, dress nicely by wearing presentable, neat, comfortable, and fitting clothing to make you feel more confident and attractive. Finally, you can also work on particular issues with your appearance that affect your overall confidence. For instance,  if you have misaligned teeth that make you uneasy about your smile, you can invest in dental braces to straighten your teeth and give you the confidence to smile more. Similarly, for men, if unwanted hair loss is the issue, consider the benefits of Propecia vs Finasteride to treat your pattern baldness if that’s the source of your low confidence level.

3. Stop labelling yourself negatively

Many experts believe that labelling yourself as timid, shy, or awkward subconsciously prompts your mind to act accordingly. Consequently, you will feel inclined to live up to these expectations psychologically, affecting your overall confidence. Therefore, it would help to visualise and affirm yourself as strong and confident instead of entertaining negative self-talk, which is almost always damaging. You can change how you label yourself through positive affirmation and positive mental practices like visualising yourself achieving a goal to boost your self-assurance and prepare yourself for success. Seeing is believing, so picturing yourself as confident will undoubtedly prompt you to manifest behaviour that supports this mental picture at all times.

4. Embrace your superstitions

Superstitions are widely regarded as irrational and incapable of affecting the outcomes of any situation. However, researchers from the University of Cologne admit that superstitions have measurable performance benefits. As such, you can receive a confidence boost and improve your performance on a task if you believe in superstition. Therefore, feel free to wear your lucky socks, charm bracelet, or good luck tie anytime you have major performances like an interview or presentation coming up so you can remain confident. Also, you can indulge in any rituals that make you more self-assured, as long as they are safe and effective. 

5. Focus on others instead of yourself

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If you are low on confidence, shy, and nervous in social situations, you are likely overly self-conscious. This heightened awareness of yourself is often the origin of low self-confidence in social interactions since you constantly wonder how others perceive your actions and words. Therefore, experts recommend shifting your attention to what other people are doing or saying instead of focusing on yourself. For instance, if you are on a date, think about what makes the person you are talking to interesting. You can prompt them to talk more about themselves and lend a genuinely curious ear to hear what they have to say. Generally, many people want to talk more about themselves and be understood. Consequently, people will love it when you are willing to listen to them and genuinely understand what you say. In addition, you will come across as warmhearted and confident instantly.

3 Tips for Balancing Out Parenting and Self Care

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Practicing self-care as a parent is something that feels a little too far out of reach at times. Being a parent, no matter if you’re a mother or father is really just an incredibly tough job. It’s a job that you’re constantly doing around the clock and there aren’t any breaks or timeouts like a normal job may have. Regardless, parenthood is simply a beautiful experience that reminds you of how far you’ve come with your little one. While we’re taking care of our children, we can’t neglect ourselves either.

Parents tend to constantly put their children or others before themselves. This can be good, it shows your dedication, but it does mean that sacrifices are made such as sleep and even a decline in health. It’s important to focus on self-care habits as these affect the mind, body, and soul. Here are some ways to help change your mindset so you can begin focusing on your little ones and on yourself too.

Do not guilt yourself for your needs

Parents tend to guilt themselves for not putting in enough time and energy doing other things. Self-care tackles mental health and it can be a way to help improve your mentality as well. You need to first start with yourself and understand that you’re not a bad person for wanting to have time to yourself.

You’re not a bad parent for wanting to take care of yourself and tend to your needs. If you want to tend to others’ needs, such as your children, you need to focus on yourself so you can properly be there to help the ones you love. So first begin getting it into your head that you need breaks, you deserve breaks, and you have to take care of yourself.

Know that your sleep matters

Parents and lack of sleep go hand in hand, it’s the dark truth, but it’s something that eventually gets accepted. You may have even seen some funny memes online about the lack of sleep that parents get. While it may be one of the facts in life, it’s important to know that your sleep matters and you have to try and get it.

You can look into getting a Moses Basket for your baby and have it right next to you at bedtime, this way you can immediately tend to your baby in your room and get back to sleep. Alternatively, you can talk with your partner about taking shifts and days in balancing out who will tend to the kids and who’ll sleep.

Think of the little ways to get yourself feeling good

There are plenty of ways to help your soul feel good such as eating your favorite sweets, getting yourself a little gift you’ve had on your wish list, but you should think about the things that will make you feel physically good as well. This includes eating healthy meals that will nourish your body. A healthy meal is going to drastically help in giving you more energy and making you feel physically better. The same can be said with regular exercising, even just doing a bit of movement each day such as walking can do wonders to how you’ll feel. 

How To Boost Your Self-Esteem

There are some people who go through life feeling 100% confident about everything they want to do in life. If you’ve ever been the person to feel a lack of confidence in your skills and abilities, you might be in the percentage of people who have issues with their self-esteem. You don’t need to feel unworthy of anything, as you deserve everything in life. The key is in knowing that you can build your self-esteem and confidence up so that you can feel as if you are capable and worthy of more in life. 

Most of the time, there’s a solution to a problem. If you’re dealing with issues with getting older and the effects on your skin, then you should know that a facial and good eye cream is going to help you. If you were losing your hair, then a prescription of finasteride 1mg could make a difference. The point is that whatever your issues are with your self-esteem, there’s likely going to be a solution out there to help you. Your confidence matters and your self-esteem matters, and if you do something about it early enough you can build on it and make sure that you are feeling fully confident about your day-to-day life, too. Self-esteem isn’t static. It’s going to go up and down depending on what you have going on in life, and you needn’t strive for perfection for acceptance from your peers. In fact, you should be able to improve your level of self-esteem and build your confidence and happiness, and the biggest factor here is in knowing that you deserve it. So, with this in mind, here are some helpful ways that you can boost your self-esteem!

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  1. Take some responsibility. It’s important that you remember that you are in charge of yourself. If you have low confidence, you have to make a map to get your confidence back. You might not be able to control external factors in your life all the time, but you can certainly control your reactions to them. You can control whether you go out there to get some help with it. You are responsible for your happiness and your successes, and you have to take some responsibility for it. Creating the right habits to boost your self-esteem are on you, and if you don’t create those habits, you’re going to miss out! Your self-esteem is important, and if you take some responsibility for it, you’re going to find a way to feel more confident, you have to remember that you are the driving factor behind it. 
  2. Know what you value, and live those values. If you start to live a life of purpose and intention, you are going to clarify what matters the most in your life. Your values are your personal foundation and the most you live by those, the better. These values are going to reflect the decisions that you make, and they’re going to give you a better sense of self, too. Living with integrity is important for your whole future, and your words, thoughts and ideas depend on it. Your confidence will grow when you have a stronger sense of self.
  3. Know what your strengths are. As important as it is to know your weaknesses, you need to know what your strengths are, too. Knowing what you are strongest at will help you to learn what you’re good at, and this will help you to feel good about yourself. If you want to have good self-experiences, then you need to have some great self-awareness. That means you need to make a list of all of the things that you’re good at. And then you need to believe in those things. 
  4. Face your fears. No matter what they are, facing your fears is so important if you want to boost your self-esteem. No one is exempt from fear; we all have fears and it’s those fears that either fuel you to do more and face them, or it makes you shrink away and more afraid of everything. The most important thing that you can do is face your fears and beat them. Identify them, face them and beat them for your confidence to go up.
  5. Commit to your happiness. It’s important that you commit to being happier if you want to build your confidence. One of the biggest issues with self-esteem is that you are living more in your head than in the world around you, and it’s important that you commit to seeking out things that will make you happier if you want to feel happier!

Self-Care Suggestions After A Personal Injury

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Recovering from an injury can be difficult. Regaining one’s health can take a long time, causing several physical and mental challenges for many people. While some people can fully recover from injuries in a matter of weeks or months, others are left with long-term concerns, including mobility difficulty, attention issues, or chronic pain that may change a lot about their daily activities. Even those who fully recover their physical health after an accident are frequently left with severe emotional and mental scars such as anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder. 

The rehabilitation process differs for everyone, but people can use a few basic methods to heal and cope with their trauma, such as self-care practices. Here are some self-care ideas you can implement in your routine to help you overcome and deal with the effects of personal injury.

Financial recuperation 

Physical recovery is critical, but so is a financial recovery. While dealing with or overcoming your personal injury, you would incur various expenses such as surgeries, counselling, in-home care, and other health-related expenses. Some of the injuries incurred may prevent you from working and cause you to lose your source of income. All this can have a strain on your wellbeing. Therefore, looking for financial recovery is an effective form of self-care. 

You can do so by looking at alternative ways of making money. Online options such as creating a blog or vlog documenting your recovery journey or taking advantage of remote working opportunities is a great way to make some money. If the injuries you endured are due to the negligence of your workplace, it is vital that you also seek the necessary compensation. Although this may be challenging, you would be able to gain some financial freedom and much-needed peace of mind. You can hire professional legal services providers to take you through the necessary legal processes to make your claim, offer sound advice, and handle any legal issues along the way.

Consult a physician 

Another self-care practice you should consider after your injury is to seek medical attention regularly. Although this may seem obvious, many people leave incidents with injuries they don’t know about, such as herniated discs, traumatic brain injuries, or ligament damage in their knees or shoulders which would only be detected after a medical examination. Some people are also reluctant to see a health professional because they are sceptical or do not want to incur health bills. At the same time, others do not go to their scheduled follow up appointments. All these practices do more harm than good. Take care of yourself by getting the medical attention you need.

Make sure you get enough sleep

Most people need seven to eight hours of sleep per night to stay healthy. If you’ve had a severe illness or injury, your body may require more rest than usual. The effective functioning of numerous essential healing processes necessitates sleep. Sleep deprivation makes it difficult for muscles to repair after an injury. When it comes to recovery, getting enough rest is crucial, but injuries can make sleeping difficult. As a result of their injuries, many patients have difficulty sleeping. Others cannot sleep because they are concerned about their health or fearful of the traumatic event that caused their injuries. To remedy these issues, it’s sometimes as simple as drinking less coffee or sticking to a regular sleep pattern. Some folks, on the other hand, require medication to get enough sleep. Check with your doctor before taking any sleep aids, especially over-the-counter medications, to see if they interfere with your recovery.

Healthy dieting 

Keeping your body healthy with the right nutrients you require for overall health while recovering is critical. This means that while you are recovering, you should be more careful of what you consume. Besides watching what you eat, you should also consider developing healthy eating habits and meal plans. 

Remember that these suggestions are only a starting point; you should get specific guidance from your doctor on optimising your diet. People suffering from injuries should eat adequate protein, Vitamin C, Zinc, Vitamin D, and Calcium and eat general health. It’s also crucial for persons using painkillers to eat a lot of fibre-rich meals. This may assist in alleviating constipation that these medications are known to produce. Finally, keep in mind that a lot of individuals say that some foods have healing properties. Make sure you only listen to medical advice and are familiar with the food-based health claims assessment process.

Looking After Your Outward Appearance Can Boost Your Mental Health; Here’s How

When struggling with our mental health, the way we look on the outside is often the least of our worries. And understandably so. But taking the time to look after the way we look can help boost our mental health.

It’s all about that buzzword; self-care. And practicing self-care can take time, partly because having ‘you’ time can feel selfish. But we all need to be selfish sometimes. Because looking after ourselves means we can be more present in our other relationships. 

Setting aside some time to pamper yourself will give you a plethora of mental health benefits. Here are just a few to get your teeth stuck into. 

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A Self-Care Routine Provides Stability

Having a routine is essential to all of us. And over the coronavirus pandemic, many of us lost those routines which can be integral to our mental health. Loss of routine feels like a loss of control. Like you’re adrift in the open sea. 

Making self-care a part of your daily routine acts as a grounding force. They’re stabilising and comforting. An anchor for you when you feel all at sea. 

Certain times of the day or outside occurrences can trigger intrusive thoughts, which lead to cycles of worry. But you can break these cycles with a little bit of self-care. Doing something nice for yourself, like a skincare routine or a long bath, helps you focus on those simple activities. It breaks the cycle because you’re engaged in an activity rather than being in your head. 

It Helps You Get Out Of Worry Cycles

And little self-care routines enable us to practice a little bit of mindfulness. The act of being mindful lets us think about sensations we’re experiencing without passing judgement. And this can help our mental health in the long run as we learn to be less judgemental of our emotions or thoughts. 

Mood-Boosting Chemicals Are Triggered

Regularly caring for yourself in a way that feels good will start to change how you think. You’ll look forward to looking after yourself. And then, doing the activity will help release lovely endorphins to boost your overall mood. Because looking after yourself feels good. 

And if you have another health problem that can be helped by a long bath or other act of self-kindness, then you’ll continue to reap the rewards. Your body will improve, and your mind along with it as the outside trigger is reduced. 

It’s An Act Of Kindness To Yourself

The world can be stressful. And it can feel easier to watch TV until the early hours of the morning rather than take care of yourself. But taking just 5 minutes to look after your outward appearance sends a really powerful message to your mind. You’re telling yourself that you’re worth it. You’re worth those 5 minutes of skincare or those 10 extra minutes lounging in the bad with a good book. 

Taking care of the way you look is an act of kindness. And we all deserve more of those in our daily lives. 

Looking After Yourself Improves Your Confidence

It’s the most obvious benefit to taking a few extra minutes to do your hair or slather on a bit of moisturiser each day. Looking after yourself will boost your confidence. You’ll start to love how you look, and that love will translate into a brilliant boost for your mental health. 

When we feel confident in ourselves, we feel like we can tackle anything. And we can do it being authentically ourselves. The more that you are unapologetically you, the more confident you’ll get. But if improving your confidence means visiting Dr Jason Roth to correct a deviated septum or improve the way your nose looks – then that’s ok too. Because you get to decide what self-care and looking after your appearance means to you. 

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Wrapping Up

Improving your outward appearance or taking extra time on the way you look doesn’t make you shallow. You are allowed to look after yourself. And now you can see that it brings lots of mental health benefits with it too. 

Remember that your mental health journey can be a long and ever-changing road. Being kind to yourself helps build a solid foundation of self-love. And loving yourself will help you see that you can take on anything. No matter how difficult it is. 

Tackling My Mental Health

I’ve been tackling my mental health again, it’s always very up and down as long as I can remember.

*Trigger Warning*

I struggle to ask for help as many do when suffering mental health issues but after a few big wobbles earlier this year I decided I really needed to deal with my mental health better. I was already struggling and very wobbly when again, my benefits were messed around with due to DWP not even attempting to read my doctors notes.

Obviously the huge cut in money left me feeling awful, a burden to my family making them suffer and go without because my physical and mental health is rubbish. Building up yet more debt because we only just finished paying off the loan we took from them last time they messed up. Add to that the fact I’ve felt like a burden and waste of space since a young age, I was seriously considering how easily I could escape it all by jumping out of our 11th floor window. The Mr thankfully saw how much I was struggling and talked to me about trying to get counselling again.

Inclusion Thurrock

There is a self referral programme called Inclusion Thurrock that offers a few services to help those struggling with their mental health. I attended a few CBT session here previously but after a few sessions I ran away knowing I’d simply get discharged.

I found CBT unhelpful for me but I’ve recently learnt I need trauma focussed CBT due to my PTSD and panic disorder thanks to the therapist who is still trying to assess me after two appointments.

Knowing my past is a bit much for some people can make it difficult to open up and talk about the really bad parts, I used to try and blurt through the blog but then found it hard to write how I really felt. I can laugh and joke and tell stories like I wasn’t there and it was all fun and games but my new therapist is quite easy to talk to and I’ve managed to spill a bit already and realising I’m not making myself worse but my past was more traumatic than I believed/still believe at times so it does have a big impact on my day to day life.

EMDR

My therapist has suggested trauma focussed CBT and EMDR to help me process my memories and move forward. Tackling my mental health is more than just making me feel better, our mental health affects those around us too and I’m very aware of that. I don’t want the girls growing up struggling because they’ve seen me go through it and I want them to see that its ok to ask for help.

EMDR utilises the natural healing ability of your body. After a thorough assessment, you
will be asked specific questions about a particular disturbing memory. Eye movements,
similar to those during REM sleep, will be recreated simply by asking you to watch the
therapist’s finger moving backwards and forwards across your visual field. Sometimes, a
bar of moving lights or headphones is used instead. The eye movements will last for a
short while and then stop. You will then be asked to report back on the experiences you
have had during each of these sets of eye movements. Experiences during a session may
include changes in thoughts, images and feelings.
With repeated sets of eye movements, the memory tends to change in such a way that it
loses its painful intensity and simply becomes a neutral memory of an event in the past.
Other associated memories may also heal at the same time. This linking of related
memories can lead to a dramatic and rapid improvement in many aspects of your life.

I have to admit at first I thought it sounded a bit silly but reading more into it I’m feeling hopeful it may help and willing to give it a go as my mental health affects me constantly and the constant memories and flashbacks make me react differently to how I would usually, I can become panicky, think people are annoyed for no reason, jump at little noises etc as well as affecting my mood.

Not Giving Up

This week my therapist is on holiday and I’m determined to pick up the phone next week when she is back unlike my previous therapist. I felt like I had traumatised her simply by explaining BDSM. I didn’t feel she was able to cope with my being completely honest about what I had seen and grown up around so when she went on holiday I took the opportunity to not return. Thankfully my current therapist doesn’t seem as horrified by what I tell her, obviously she thinks it’s all horrible but I don’t feel like I’m traumatising her at least which is giving me more confidence.

Anyone that has followed my blog a while will know I quite often get side tracked and bounce from one subject to another and thankfully my therapist also let’s me do this without interrupting which is quite helpful as often I find several things from my past all link to how I’m feeling and reacting to situations now and she let’s me blurt that and how I see the link but can’t shut it down, hence the suggestion of trying EMDR.

I’m hoping I can tackle my mental health and start making some progress. I spent so long ignoring what I went through as a child and teenager, making jokes out of it all that I didn’t realise the impact it’s had on my way of thinking especially about myself. I knew my past messed me up a little bit but I didn’t realise how traumatic it really was.

I’m catching myself now and realising, things like when the Mr accidentally knocking my wax burner, I found a way to blame myself. I instantly felt guilty, it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have put it there, shouldn’t have put it on then, should have told him it was on, shouldn’t want something so silly just because it looks cool and smells nice, wasted money on a pathetic want because I’m a selfish bitch.

In the moment this all feels real, looking back it’s absolutely ridiculous and as the Mr said, it was simply an accident which he cleared up and put right. Yet I still kept berating myself. The hardest part is realising it when I calm down, seeing how ridiculous my reactions are and then I wonder how on earth the Mr puts up with this shit on a daily basis. How bloody annoying it must be! Hopefully trying a different style of CBT and trying EMDR will help with this as I am truly fed up with my past messing with my present.

Reaching Out

Have you been struggling with your mental health or tackling your mental health? I imagine lots of us are right now, I hope if you are you can find a service that can offer some help. If it doesn’t feel like it’s helping talk up, there may be another service they can offer or recommend that may be more beneficial. Please don’t do what I did and give up.

Having explained to my therapist what happened last time, she reminded me not everyone will click with every therapist and we are fully within our right to ask to see someone else if we don’t feel comfortable. I feel a bit silly now as I could have worked through these issues years ago had I spoken up and asked to see someone else but I’m determined to tackle this properly now and if I don’t feel comfortable I will be asking for a different therapist or therapy instead of struggling for a few more years then 6 months waiting for help!

If anyone is ever struggling please remember my social media DM’s and blog email (relentlesslypurple@gmail.com) are always open for a rant or a blurt. I may not have the answers or be able to help you heal but quite often I can listen, sympathise, make stupid jokes and help find local services that may help you. Tackling mental health is tricky but having people to blurt to can make a huge difference!

Wobbles And Gratitude

Wobbles and gratitude seem to be my life lately. As I’m sure it has been for most people, 2020 has been one messed up year full of change, fear and confusion not to mention the usual life stresses! There has also been lots of moments where I’ve felt extremely grateful though. I thought it would be good for me to write about it and have something to look back on as a reminder that 2020 wasn’t all that bad.

Wobbles

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Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

OK so there have been a LOT of wobbles this year. We’ve had to replace our car, washing machine, the TV died which we only use for DVDs but try having two children home for 7 months and lacking that extra distraction! On top of that we’ve had car parts to sort for our current car, the girls both decided to grow not one but two sizes.. Yup while the majority of shops were shut.

Our emersion heater for hot water has now been dead for almost a fortnight and work is due to start tomorrow after multiple call outs, being left a full day without full use of our electrics. mainly in the kitchen, and of course they didn’t turn up until way after dinner time having been called at 6am the day the emersion heater tripped all all the electrics.

Missing Friends And Family

I’ve also been wobbling over missing people, who knew you could be so antisocial yet miss people!? What the hell is that about, seriously!? We have spent every birthday having a BBQ with Martyn and Hannah, we attend one or two events with them across the year and honestly, missing these made me really wobbly, it had become a routine we all enjoyed. I know almost everyone has missed somebody this year, it’s been so hard on us all. Hopefully next year we can all see more of our friends and family.

Sheayla, although part of our bubble usually, has been really busy and my head won’t let me ask when she is free in case I add to her stress. I know its difficult with college, work and trying to flit between her mums, dads and boyfriends houses and spend time with everyone. The girls have really missed seeing her regularly and so have I but thankfully we have had a catch up at last this week.

Gratitude

thank you signage
Photo by Giftpundits.com on Pexels.com

On the note of being thankful, around all these stressful, wobbly times I have begun to notice that the people around me have made such a difference and for that I am extremely grateful for! I may not see these people day to day, month to month or even year to year but this year has shown me I do have a support network, something I felt I didn’t really have.

The Mr has been amazing through it all, how on earth he copes with me moping around growling about everything without losing it himself is beyond me. He’s taken over even more around the flat because I finally admitted to him how much more I was struggling day to day. Things like loading the dishwasher I have tried to keep doing as I feel lazy otherwise but some days I just cant cope with the pain and the knock on effect was stressing me out to breaking point, so now if I haven’t done it around the times I usually do it, he goes ahead and does it for me and I’m learning to let him and appreciate his help instead of just seeing the negative side.

Good Friends

Ken and I have two close friends who have really helped us through this year as well as others. Whether its running me to the hospital or lending us some cash to get us through whatever disaster life has decided to throw our way that day, they have been there for us.

On top of that I have a handful of close online friends such as Fiona, Lisa, Martyn and Bubble who have kept me going. I know I can rant away without judgement when I’m stressed, get it all off my chest, allowing me to calm back down and either find a solution or accept whatever rubbish has just come our way. Having friends to talk to during wobbles can make such a difference. I definitely need to harass Martyn more but stupidly tried not to knowing he was stressed, the truth is we all have stress and we all need a little bit of harassment from good friends to keep us going and remind us we are all struggling in our own ways.

Support

With our lack of hot water its been quite challenging, due to Covid there are less people working at the same time and our job needs three people hence the long wait. Throughout this Sheayla’s mum/ my Step-mum has been extremely supportive, letting us borrow her bathroom and she is fantastic with the girls. Without Heidi, I genuinely don’t think I would have coped at all these last few weeks. The last thing you want during a pandemic is to be short of hot water and the ability to keep your hands clean! Especially when sending your children to school. Sheayla has been fantastic helping me bath the girls if she’s home too which I truly appreciate, they don’t need a lot of help anymore but it still leaves me exhausted and sore through to the next day.

So overall it has been a rather rubbish year but there has been some highlights and for that I am extremely thankful! I’ve spent more time with the girls than ever, we’ve done so much at home and have lots of happy memories to look back on. Lets hope we all have a much better year next year with less wobbles and remember to keep supporting one another where we can.

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