Category: Rambles

You Never Forget A Good Book

Rambles / 9 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

It’s true that once you read a good book you never forget it. I’ve been a keen reader since I was quite young and people used to joke about the fact I would prefer to sit and read the Evening Echo (Our local paper at the time) at the age of 5 over a childrens book. I remember my mother had quite a few books on shelves around the house which is where I discovered a few of my favourite authors. I haven’t picked up a book in a while which I intend to do more of over the coming months so I thought I’d share with you some of my all time favourites!

You never forget a good book
The Misery front cover I read and the books currently on my shelf!

Stephen King’s Misery is a book I definitely read far too young but as I loved to scare myself silly with physchological horrors like this it’s a book I read several times growing up and is still my absolute favourite book of all time. I love the way Stephen King writes and how twisted & clever the storyline is. Whenever I fancy something a bit darker I go for a Stephen King books and I’ve read quite a few. I currently have a few on my bookshelf at the moment that I need to read, what’s your favourite?

As you can see my copy is quite worn!

This is a set of books rather than just one but I think most people will agree that C.S. Lewis’s The Chronicles of Narnia is an amazing set for children and adults. I still have the original box-set I had as a child, unfortunately they are quite sun-faded but I cant wait to start reading them to the girls! I always got so lost in these books that I would spend most of a school holiday re-reading the whole set just because.

 

On my bookshelf

Another one that is probably on most peoples lists is J.R.R Tolkien’s Lord of the rings Trilogy. I read this when I was about 11 and I remember being superglued to my bed for 5 days reading the entire book & then went on to read The Hobbit. I was gutted when I finally watched the films as they had just missed out far too much as usually happens when books are turned into films. I still have the same copy of Lord of the rings but lost The Hobbit years ago.

Frances Hodgson Burnett’s The Secret garden us another classic I absolutely loved reading over and over again. I loved the idea of escaping to such beautiful gardens.

The only image of the front cover I remember reading as a child!

One book I fell in love with as a child has bugged me for years as I hadn’t been able to find it ANYWHERE! Seriously, I have searched & searched the internet & libraries and only just discovered I was right all along! It is called Wild Child  and I am pleased to share I finally know the Author’s name – Monica Furlong! (Thanks to Goodreads!) I remember being completely enchanted by this book and re-reading it several times.

In a remote Scottish village, nine-year-old Wise Child is taken in by Juniper, a healer and sorceress. Then Wise Child’s mother, Maeve, a black witch, reappears. In choosing between Maeve and Juniper, Wise Child discovers the extent of her supernatural powers—and her true loyalties.

Patricia cornwell’s Kay Scarpetta series was another favourite throughout my teens, I began at the start with Post-mortem and read every book up to The Book of the dead which is still sat on my bookshelf waiting to be read!
I’m definitely going to start working through my book shelf again and then go on a hunt for some new ones, so help me out! Who’s your favourite author? What book’s would you recommend reading? What books are laying unread on your bookshelf?

Adulting

Physical and Mental Health / 9 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

Sometimes I find adulting really hard, the simplest of things become the biggest of challenges especially if it’s something I’m doing for myself. One of those thing’s is booking appointment’s & where it’s difficult to even get through to my Dr’s Surgery  on the phone it makes the whole thing a lot more stressful but I finally managed to get through today (After 22 attempts!) and was booked in for 4.40pm. Normally after around the 10th attempt I give up but I’m so fed up with struggling I just want to gain control of my life again so I kept going until I finally got through.

Adulting

Of course I didn’t get seen until 5pm whilst sat in a deserted waiting room (!?) but when I did I admitted how much I have been struggling with my anxiety and depression the last few months and had missed my prescriptions. Luckily the Dr was really understanding even though i had never met him before. We decided to up my dose of Duloxetine from 90mg to 120mg in the hope it calms my anxiety a bit more aswell as helping with the pain until my pain clinic appointment next month.

After my appointment I realised I had been stressing and panicking for almost 2 months about getting an appointment & losing my prescription and then after a few weeks went by, what the Dr would think of me for A) losing my repeat prescription, B) leaving it so long & C) Struggling so much to do such basic things. I guess it’s silly really as Dr’s aren’t there to judge (although some do and have!). I guess not seeing one Dr regularly makes it difficult too as I never know who I’m going to see!

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I found this on google images and it explains how I feel so well!

Hopefully now I have a repeat prescription again things will begin to feel a little easier again and I’m going to try my best not to slip up again!

 

A whole year blogging as Relentlessly Purple!

Rambles / 9 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

Can you believe I’ve spent a year blogging as Relentlessly Purple!? 

I’d blogged before setting up Relentlessly Purple but tried to put far too many restrictions on myself, only letting myself publish positive posts & eventually I felt like I was unable to write anything.

Blogging as Relentlessly Purple & not restricting myself makes it much easier to write and publish posts although admittedly I have been slacking majorly over the last month or 2 but it’s nice to see I still get visitors daily.

I may not have posted much recently but writing on the blog has helped me get through some tough patches over the past year & I really appreciate the love & support given by other bloggers especially my fellow spoonies who have given me some amazing advice & tips.

I feel like I’ve achieved a fair amount on the blog considering I’m not a regular poster, with 80 wordpress followers, over 2,500 twitter followers & 200 Instagram followers.

I plan on working harder with the blog over the next year and hope to have doubled these numbers by next year if possible and interact with other bloggers more.. Seems silly to sit & stare at posts on social media and not respond in case you ‘bother’ someone so I intend to be a little braver & interact a lot more!

How long have you been blogging for? Is your current blog your first? What did/have you achieved in your first year blogging?

A busy quiet patch

Family / 9 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

I’ve barely blogged, barely Tweeted and even my Instagram has been much quieter over the last few weeks as thing’s have been quite up & down and I really haven’t felt great at all.

Despite being relieved I passed my ESA assessment  my back hasn’t been amazing, my hip’s feel worse & I discovered I have anaemia which has been causing me to feel constantly drained too which has made it especially difficult to focus & write anything over the last few weeks. I have started taking iron tablets again though which has definitely helped over the past few days

On a good note I received a nice little back pay a few weeks ago as I was entitled to the ESA support rate backdated to the 13th week of my claim, I was aware they do this but didn’t realise how long I had waited so it was a lovely surprise and arrived in time for me to be able to treat the Mr properly on his birthday for pretty much the first time in the 10 years I’ve known him!

I gave him money to spend at the Thurrock Beer festival which he attends every year since its around his birthday and he loves real ales. He came back happily carrying TWO! of these bottles (admittedly one was cider for me :P) & a glass.

 

a busy quiet patch
The Mr happily came back from the beer fest with this!

We also ordered him some new trainers from ebay which turned up with paint and marks all over & didn’t appear genuine, after waiting for our refund & the Mr still struggling to find a pair he liked we decided to order him a pair of Nike ID’s which are custom made how you want!

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The design the Mr ordered

 

He has to wait anywhere up to the 8th august for them but it stops him settling on a pair and not being happy especially as he does so much running around doing school runs & shopping where I cant. We ordered them last thursday and already recieved an email yesterday (6 days after ordering) telling us the finishing touches are being done before they are shipped! So hopefully we wont have to wait too long.

After giving up on our desperate backpack search we gave in and bought him a new backpack too (which I’ll review at a later date) since he does all the shopping and carries it all home from town.

I spoilt the girls a little with some new clothes & shoes..which may have led to a new wardrobe to fit them in.. Admittedly they did genuinely need a wardrobe and the clothes & shoes so it was another issue sorted for us!

I treated my brother to a few lunches & little bits whilst out shopping including some yummy pancakes & a chocolate milkshake at Roadhouse in Basildon! They were so good but so filling that we both took the rest home for later!

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I also treated myself to a new bag, purse and a few clothes aswell as doing things like having my eyebrows threaded over the last few weeks and the Mr dyed my hair purple on Sunday too which has made me feel much more human!

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Izzy approved of the new handbag & tried to steal it!

It’s been lovely being able to do those things as we’ve been struggling to buy things like clothes and pay bills on time so it has been a lot less stressful financially.

The kitchen toilet & bathroom didn’t get finished off properly but the Mr has somehow managed to fit in repainting the toilet purple & glossing the wood as the way it was left made it feel extremely claustrophobic! He’s purpling the bathroom & kitchen next too!

Although I have been really down lately I am thankful there’s been a lot of positive going on for me to focus on too and Izzy has been going almost everywhere with the Mr lately give me a lot of time to rest & focus on myself doing silly things like actually straightening my hair, having a bath in total peace, taking a nap etc which has really helped my mood the last few days.

I have a lot of catching up to do with the blog and saying hi to people again but I’m hoping to slowly catch up over the next few weeks, feel free to say hi and send me your latest posts to help me catch up!

A huge sigh of relief

Physical and Mental Health / 9 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

I can finally breath a huge sigh of relief! The last few weeks have been so damn stressful it’s unreal! I’ve been stressing about my ESA assessment decision almost constantly, we had to make such a tough decision and re home the cat’s knowing whatever the outcome we just can’t afford the extra cost’s any more, we’ve had several problems with the refit the council are doing and 2 kids at home with it all going on this half term (which of course has been miserable!) has just been utter chaos!

Getting a call yesterday morning from a number I didn’t know freaked me out and I almost rejected but I am so glad I didn’t!

It turned out to be the person finalising my ESA decision which initially made me panic even more as I was convinced I would be refused but I spoke to such a lovely lady and after a chat and adding on a little more information about the side affects I’m having from my medication she made the decision to award me ESA for the next year!

Honestly I was gob smacked I’ve heard so many depressing stories and anything that involves the job centre has always gone badly for us so to finally be taken seriously and have all that stress lifted had me almost in tears with relief as I thanked the lady on the phone.

When she explained I had originally only been given 6 points based on my anxiety and I would have been refused as I needed 15 to pass I nearly passed out but after explaining the nasty side affects of my medication to her and how things have worsened in general she had decided to award me full points!

My assessment was based on my chronic pain which without the medication side affects they see me as fit for work. My depression was basically ignored because I told them that although I have attempted suicide a few times in the past, knowing I have a family now I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to attempt it again knowing the emotional and financial impact it would have on them. My anxiety was at least considered severe enough to be awarded some points but looking at the overall picture it’s horrible to think how many people in a similar or even a worse situation would be refused and deemed fit for work!

I know I am extremely lucky to be given this break and I appreciate it so much being able to just focus on my health and my family for the next year and I’m hoping in this year I learn to manage everything better so one of us can go back to work and we can start saving and getting somewhere at last!

Kitchen, Bathroom & Toilet Refit

Rambles / 10 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

Since last week we have had contractors in starting on our Kitchen, Bathroom & Toilet as they were all over 20 years old and needed fully replacing.

We are on a 20 day programme where work will be done between 8am-5pm and all 3 rooms are being entirely refitted so we had to empty all 3 rooms (not easy to do in a 2 bedroom flat!) for the next few weeks whilst the work goes on.

My usually rather lived in flat is now half a building site & half a storage depot with bags j boxes everywhere & the fridge in our living room!

The work began Wednesday morning with the kitchen & bathroom being ripped out including flooring & tiles leaving us with just the kitchen & bathroom sink & bath for now. It’s been quite difficult at times especially with everything bagged or boxed up and 2 kids & 2 cats! With the first lot of workers repeatedly leaving the front door wide open after agreeing not to which was also previously agreed with the surveyor and resident liaison officer we have had to try and keep the cats in the living room only we aren’t allowed to keep the living room door shut so there were lots of stressful cat hunts on the first day.

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When the kitchen floor was being ripped up they found the tiles had asbestos in them which meant the other rooms probably had them too so they stopped & left it as it was and we were told someone would be back to remove them ‘later’ which ended up being 2 days later!

On the second day the electricians turned up to put in new everything so as they had to drill through the walls I took Izzy to Basildon to see her Uncle for a few hours which was a nice break from the noisy dusty flat and Izzy really enjoyed her day out going on the bus, lunch at a cafe, feeding the ducks & playing in the park before being picked up by our friend & taken home (Izzy loves the car!). When we got home though I was a little surprised at the wonky plug sockets & switches throughout the kitchen although I do like the new lay out and placements.

Annoyingly we now have a fluorescent light in our kitchen which gives me serious migraines as it is so bright! They managed to place it well off centre & left one of our previous light fittings in place though so it’s rather odd having a normal light at the darkest end of the kitchen and the brightest nearer the window. I don’t understand why they have done it that way at all but apparently that is how it will be left.

On Friday the bath & toilet were replaced & I’m kind of regretting not agreeing to an adapted bath as I used the new one last night and really struggled to get out although I did forget to use a step. I think we may have to get a handle fixed to the wall to help me keep my balance when I get out as I’ve been having accidents climbing out of the bath over the last few months anyway.

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Friday morning whilst the bath was being done I popped out to get some lunch with Izzy & came back to the kitchen door sealed up and the asbestos removal guy lifting the tiles.

He had done all 3 rooms by the time Eva got home from school at least but we are a little concerned about the amount of dust left behind especially in the kitchen but its good to know the tiles are now gone.

The weekend was a welcome break from workmen in and out but it was still stressful doing everything out of bags & boxes and still having the fridge freezer in our living room.

By monday morning I couldn’t wait for the work to continue and be able to slowly use the rooms again! The plasterer came in and did all 3 rooms on Monday and the tiling in the bathroom was started on the Tuesday with the bath & toilet pipework being boxed in again.

I was really happy to find out the kitchen units were being put in Wednesday. We had a few issues where the surveyor hadn’t listened & measured our fridge freezer properly after being told several times its larger than average! The poor guy fitting the units had to pull one back out and alter it and order in a smaller wall unit which will take 2-3 weeks to arrive so although thing’s are progressing rather quickly we will be missing a unit for a few weeks.. not too much of a problem for us though as we have gained a good few extra cupboards & drawers!

I was quite unsure of the choice’s I had made for the worktops & units until I saw it all in place & now I can’t wait to see the end result! I hated the 80’s style council kitchen look we had and although it is still a council property being done by contractor’s I do think it looks a lot better already!

We seem to be about halfway through already although we are only on day 6! The kitchen is being tiled today and and after that it is pretty much just sorting niggly bits, laying the new floor & decorating left to do. I’ll do a follow up post once all the work is complete and hopefully find the time (and space!) to work on the blog again properly soon (I know.. It’s been one thing after another & I miss writing and bothering other bloggers 😉 haha!)

 

An Exhausting Week

Family / 10 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

It’s really been an exhausting week as I was due my ESA assessment on Tuesday afternoon and had spent the past week or so beforehand feeling gutted that I was going to miss out on the little time we had to spend with Eva on her birthday around schopl but on Monday I got a call asking me to move my appointment time from 2.45pm to 10am. Part of me was so glad it meant I could surprise Eva and collect her from school, hand out sweets to her classmates & take her to spend her birthday money in town but the change of times also threw me and made me panic so I spent most of Monday night waking and was up by 5.30am panicking and feeling sick & nervous.

On the plus side I had plenty of time to get Eva’s cards, badge & balloon ready before she woke up & was the first one to wish her a happy birthday!

an exhausting week & Eva's birthday

I managed to keep calm until the Mr took Eva to school & then I begun panicking more about the assessment and started feeling really sick.

I hate talking to strangers but the woman that did my assessment wasn’t too hard to talk to at least but every pause made me even more nervous and several times I felt so hot and dizzy I thought I might pass out. I had a friend in with me but I spent most of the time staring out the window.

I dont really remember exactly what was said now as I was mainly trying to focus on breathing and answering each question without stumbling over my words but I remember going through my daily routine which was quite depressing to hear out loud.

We moved on to my depression and anxiety when my previous self harming came up which I stupidly didn’t expect and it threw me especially as I had to explain it fully aswell as my failed overdose at 18. By this point I suddenly realised I was running my thumb nail across my left palm hard enough to leave my hand bright red underneath the desk.

I dont remember much that was said again after that but I remember doing the physical tests before being told to expect to hear something within 2 weeks and leaving. I couldn’t wait to get out and panicked as I felt so hot & sick after doing the physical and was shaking by the time I got out into the fresh air.

I thought I’d feel relieved afterwards but instead I felt even worse. Talking about my past, how much I’m struggling mentally and physically every day, explaining my boring depressive life messed with my head a bit. Its been a few days now & I feel a little better at least but I am still worried about the outcome and what could happen next.

My anxiety in general has been through the roof lately and I’ve been struggling to focus on anything for the past few weeks where we have had so much go on and I just can not shut my head up long enough to do anything so I’m hoping now things are calming down again and we have less appointments to deal with for a few weeks I can get back on track and relax a bit more.

Starting next wednesday we have workers in and out doing our kitchen, toilet & bathroom which is making me panic a bit but I am hoping that as I’m pretty much stuck indoors with little to do whilst they do the work I will have a bit of extra time to focus on the blog & crochet and hopefully stress a little less!

A little catch up

Family / 10 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

I’ve had to neglect the blog amongst other things over the last week or so & thought I’d give you a little catch up. Eva came down with tonsillitis & a viral rash. She is very rarely ill but when she is it can be hard work as she get’s very emotional and scared and to top it Izzy has been poorly too so I’ve literally fallen behind on everything!

Luckily they both seem to be a fair bit better today although Eva still has an upset tummy but I am at least getting more done now and a bit of free time.

A fair amount has gone on whilst I’ve been away including Eva’s neurologist appointment about her headaches Thursday just gone. She has been referred for an MRI scan on her brain but the Dr thinks it will come back ok.. I hope so! I’m now just waiting on a date.

Annoyingly my ESA assessment was cancelled and rescheduled for Eva’s birthday (10th May) in the afternoon meaning I’ll maybe see her for an hour across the day as she is also at school. I’m really gutted but we have planned to make the most of the good weather we are supposed to have this Sunday with a nice picnic at one of our local park’s and we’ve invited a few people. We also decided to let her have her presents & cake Sunday too so she has a chance to play with them as Tuesday will be a rush with school & me off to my assessment. We will still give her card’s a badge & some sweets to hand out at school on her actual birthday too which she is happy with as she says gets two birthdays!

I had some good news in the week from the council, giving us a date (18th May) for our new kitchen, toilet & bathroom! I can’t wait to finally have enough kitchen cupboards for all our pots & pan’s and have everything fit in nicely at last

I received an awesome parcel from The Insiders too! I’m taking part in their Calmurid Pro Campaign and received an entire bottle for myself to test as well as a ton of samples attached to a £3 voucher to give out too! (Feel free to get in touch if you’d like one!)

a little catch up

 

How’s your week been? Have you had any good/bad/interesting news lately?

 

 

Purple Relentless for Relentlessly Purple

Rambles / 10 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple

I am ecstatic right now..My 2 all time favourite things have at last merged into one!! Purple Relentless!

The Mr went shopping yesterday and came across the new Passion Punch Relentless and sent me this picture..

purple relentless

Yes you are seeing correctly…Purple  Relentless! IKR amazing!! I wont lie I did get a little over excited seeing this picture and may have done a little happy wiggle haha.

Not only is it purple BUT it tastes amazing! The flavour – Passion Punch, is absolutely divine & most definitely going to be my go to drink for summer with it’s fruity flavour! I cant wait to try it with some Rum or Pimm’s!

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I tried pouring a little out to see the colour of the drink itself and although it is more a pinky colour I can see it turning a lovely shade of purple when mixed with Pimm’s 😉

It’s a little sad I know but I’ve been hoping for a purple can of Relentless for years now as Relentless has been my favorite drink since my college days and well.. Im obsessed with purple.. If you couldnt tell!

It seem’s a new flavour in an amazing purple isn’t the only change to Relentless, the brown origin can’s are now black. The design has changed a lot too and it’s a lot simpler now.. I love the colour change but I do prefer the detail in the old design but overall I’m more impressed that there is finally a can of Purple Relentless for Relentlessly Purple haha! 😉

How awesome is that!? If you could have your drink of choice in the colour & flavour of your choice what would it be?

ESA Assessment

Physical and Mental Health / 10 years ago / RelentlesslyPurple
ESA assessment

On the 22nd I have my ESA assessment and I have to say it’s really making me nervous. It’s so hard trying to explain to people how much I struggle on a daily basis with both my pain and mental health and I’m terrified as if I’m refused I just don’t know how we are going to cope. I tried to write on a ‘support’ group how I am feeling and was surprised to find so many people making horrible comments towards me, I know there are people a lot worse off than myself and I can appreciate it is so much harder for them but to me this is difficult too and I need to ramble about it somewhere safely… I guess this is kinda what the blog is for after all!

I didn’t expect to get as far as actually going through with the assessment, I guess part of me hoped the steroid injections would have helped ease enough pain for me to start getting back on track and start looking for a part time job but after a good week everything has just gone back downhill and I’m back to where I was before the injections so I have no choice but to go through with the assessment and hope for the best but my anxiety is getting the better of me and feels like it’s eating me up.

How do you even begin to explain to a total stranger that although you look fine on the outside apart from walking a little funny that every step requires so much effort that even a 5 minute walk leaves you exhausted physically and mentally at the age of 25?

I know being completely honest is necessary but it’s also scary to think I’m going to have to admit to a stranger that I can’t pick up my baby at just 20 month’s old, if I take her out on my own I have to get the Mr to put her in her stroller as I can’t even do that without causing more pain, I cant even lift her onto a changing table so have to lay her stroller flat if I’m alone! How do you admit that you can’t even manage walking your 5 year old the 10-15 minute walk to school and back every day and have to rely on the Mr to do it otherwise I’m left in so much pain and feel so drained that I’m left completely useless for the rest of the day?

I guess a big part of it is me feeling like I am admitting I am a failure as a mother, I cant lift and rock my baby when she needs it, I cant walk my daughter to and from school and get chatting with the other mums, I cant take the girls to the park regularly, I cant bend down and pick up their toys properly, hell I cant even wash their damn clothes because the bending, lifting, and stretching to hang the clothes sends my back into spasm!

How do you admit all this to a stranger face to face? How do you explain that your basically useless and break down several times a day just trying to do the most basic of things? How do you explain that simple tasks make you feel so queasy because of the pain & a sharp bolt can make you vomit & leave you feeling so shaky and weak without sounding like a drama queen?

I’m also terrified my emotions will get the better of me on the day, I’m an emotional wreck most day’s as it is and if I get too worked up I get queasy and struggle to breath without throwing up! Any time I try to explain to someone what I’m going through it makes me feel like crap reeling off a list of basic tasks I struggle to do, how every time I struggle I become so upset and angry with myself for not being able to do such a ‘simple’ task etc. It all just sounds like I’m over reacting!

I guess I’ve tried to hide the pain and how it leaves me feeling from people for so long that now I need to open up and be honest so I can get the help I need it’s much harder and it feels like I’m about to go to confession to admit all my failures instead of sins.

It’s terrifying to think they could decide to deem me fit to work when I can’t even load the dishwasher daily, climb into the bath, push a hoover around and all the other thing’s most people do without thinking. The worst part is if they do say I am fit to work I have no choice but to try and find a job as there’s no way I could cope trying to keep on top of school runs, looking after Izzy etc so I need the Mr to be at home to carry on doing it all as I can’t.

Then there’s the added fear of how my health will affect a job as just 5 weeks doing 4 hours a day work experience at the job centre was draining and one of the day’s I had to be sent home as I was in so much pain & everything felt too much and I arrived in tears! I tried so hard for the first week or two to hide it but eventually the staff I worked closely with were picking up on it and I was made to go sit at a desk several times. One of those times I was struggling so much I buried my head in my arms on the desk to hide the tears whilst I tried to stretch my back out that one of the managers walked past and thought I was being lazy and told me to sit up which of course led to me feeling even worse and having to excuse myself to go hide in the toilet for 5 minutes to calm down.

I’d love to work, I’d love the chance to socialise with other’s and actually make some friends around here and do something to be proud of and show the girls the importance of working but I know realistically I just wouldn’t cope,I cant even keep on top of the blog on bad days because I just can’t even focus! It’s fairly easy to get this all down in words but how on earth am I meant to explain all this to a complete stranger and have them take me seriously? So many questions and I know on the day I’ll only feel worse and again afterwards waiting on their decision. I guess time will tell but I needed to get it all off my chest instead of letting it carry on eating me up!